Phrases I tire of uttering

"Don't chew on mama's boot."

"Wires aren't toys."

"No playing in the recycling bin."

"Leave Daddy's glasses alone."

"Why is my phone wet?"

bouncing baby boy

Strangers are always telling me that the Bumble is such a handsome little man. I don't know why they always assume she is a boy when she is all decked out in pink flowers all the time, but they do. Constantly. So, I just let it slide. I say "Thanks!" and move on. Why correct them? It only makes them feel bad, right? So I've gotten into that habit.

On Thanksgiving, we went to Cincinnati's Krohn Conservatory, a beautiful indoor garden with a rainforest and a desert and an orchid house and a Christmas room. It was so, so lovely, especially since it was such a brutally cold and windy day. I was holding the Bumble and she was wearing a pink and brown ruffly shirt, leggings with flowers on them and her Robeez shoes with big black flowers. A woman approached us and said, "What a handsome little man!"

I smiled and said, "Thanks!" and intended to move on. But the woman kept talking.

"He's flirting with me! What a smile!"

Okay... well, if I correct her now, that's just embarrassing. What am I saying, exactly? She's a GIRL! She isn't flirting with you! Well, maybe she is flirting. I dunno. I don't know my baby's mind.

The woman continued. "Oh... he's gonna be such a ladykiller! He's gonna be a LINEBACKER! Look at how big he is!"

I just kept smiling. If I correct her NOW, I just look silly for not correcting her earlier. Besides, maybe it is the Bumble's dream to be a linebacker.

But now the lady was edging closer and closer. And I was backing up step by step. Because I didn't want the lady to suddenly notice that Bumble was bedecked in flowers. I didn't want her to suddenly realize that I was lying by omission. Why was I pretending to have a boy baby?!

The lady kept coming closer and closer. He's gonna be a linebacker for the Bengals, aren't ya, Buddy?" I kept edging away.

Closer. What a flirt!

Closer. Look at his eyes!

Closer. And then her eyes landed on Bumble's shoes. With the big floppy black flowers on the toes. Her eyes popped up to mine and there was a hint of confusion. I quickly excused myself and ran away. I need to start putting more bows on Bumble's head.

Happy first thanksgiving, Bumble!

Sorry 'bout the green bean.

Goodness

I had just gotten the Bumble to finally start taking naps in her crib when I read about the massive recall on drop down side cribs. Bummer. I think hers is pretty solid, though. We're borrowing it from my uncle and the crib is about 15 years old and has metal hardware. Plus, I never use the drop down side feature anyway. Good? I think we're good.

The baby has been a busy, busy bee, exploring the new house.



Her latest discovery yesterday was the heating vents.



Here! This is where the heat comes from! Did you know? I found it!




It's waaaaaaaaaarm


She's also finally keen on solids.



No, really, she loves apples. I don't know why she made that face. Also, peas are good and broccoli and yogurt and rice and beans.

Standing is good, too.



Especially if it to help her dad with typing, which is the BEST!

C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I

On the move here, Mike was telling me all about his Cincinnati experiences over the past few weeks. He mentioned that Cincinnati was really obsessed with the Bengals.

I said, "Bangles?"



He said, "Yeah, Bengals.



I was listening to the radio and whenever the Bengals are mentioned, people do a little chant."

Me: They what? Cincinnati has a chant about the Bangles?



Mike: "Yeah, it's like 'Who dey! Who dey! Who dey think gonna beat dem Bengals?'"

Me: WHAT? What does that even mean? Why does Cincinnati love the Bangles? Are they from there?

Mike: What...

Me: Bangles?



Mike: No.... No. Football team. Football.



And I was left to wonder why they named their football team after an '80s girl band that wasn't even FROM there.


Anyway, we love it here so far and the Bumble was amazing during the 10 hour drive here. She's been enjoying crawling around everywhere, exploring new spaces. After we get settled in, we start the process of transitioning her to her crib...

Last day

Surprisingly, Bee isn't the best help when rushing to pack and clean on the last day before the big move. She keeps crawling around, pulling herself up on boxes and then shortly falling over and crying. When she isn't doing that, she is diligently unpacking the boxes I haven't taped shut yet. Attempts to confine her in her high chair, exersaucer or pack n play are met with violent protest.

Last day last day last day

Day 10

This is generally what is happening when I trying to use the computer. No kidding-- she created a folder and FILLED IT WITH THINGS in my pictures file. She named it "[;0=_files." I am afraid to delete it in case there is anything important in there.

Day 9

So tired. Me, of course-- not her. I'm starting to doubt that I'll survive the rest of the week.

Things I desperately need, in no particular order other than rushed:

1. a shower longer than 4 minutes

2. a fresh vegetable

3. a cold, cold beer

4. a break a break ohsweetpuppies please give me a break

5. a full night's sleep

Day 8

The best toys in life are free.

Yesterday I managed to cause synchronized heart attacks in three old women waiting in line at Rite Aid. I walked in through the door wearing the Bee in the ergo, my arms wrapped around her in a little cuddle. All three old woman turned to "awwww" at the baby and that's when it happened. A lady bug bit my hand! I gave a little yip and threw my hands out to shake the bug off. The three old woman gasped and one dashed forward. I looked up in surprise and the dasher said, "Are you all right? I thought..." I said, "Oh... OH! I got bit. By a bug. On my hand. The baby, she's strapped onto to me! See?" and I showed off the ergo.

I marched off toward the back of the store to get Bee's butt wipes and I could feel their eyes on my back. I don't think they trusted me to not spaz out again. I know who to not trust anymore though. Lady bugs. Who knew they bit?

Day 7

Please ignore the state of disarray-- we are moving in a matter of days + Bee's new game is "destroy the magazine."

So, here she is. Standing. Pulling herself up on furniture and standing around. She is no longer content to stay confined in her exersaucer or high chair. Now she wants to be exploring her mobility and seeing things from a whole new level. She wants to see if she can lick the television. (She can.)

help

Day 6: So SCARY

Bumble's favorite toys: Cords, buttons, batteries, and dead bugs from under the couch. WHY DON'T YOU LIKE YOUR TOYS? I am going to have a panic attack by the end of next week. Every time I blink, she is discovering yet another thing we failed to baby-proof. She zeroes in on it and she's there like a shot. Lamp can be pulled down from the table? BAM! It's down. Who knew babies liked to gnaw on slippers? Why does she eat all the paper?? How did she get so mobile so fast?

I am so doomed.

Day 5

There was a bit of a cold snap last night, so the Bee and I cuddled together in the living room, turned on the space heater and watched hours of television. Well, I did. She methodically ripped apart a magazine. I fished out pieces out of her mouth during commercial breaks. Bread is disgusting, but she'll gladly eat paper. Babies.

Day 4

Good morning. It's us. We're in a pretty jolly mood considering the fact that we woke up about 99 times last night. Possibly more than that, actually. I think we slept in 15 minute increments. Now it's the Bumble's naptime and she is showing no signs of sleepiness. How is this possible?

Day 3

I cannot wait to join Mike. Life with the Bee is like living with an extremely particular and snobby caveman.

of course

I knew she'd wait until Mike was gone for this.

Day 1

So, we're moving to Cincinnati. Have I said that yet? I can't remember. Anyway, Mike's new job started today, so he is out there already. The Bumble and I will be joining him in two weeks, when we will hopefully have a house to move into. In the meantime, it is just the two of us, packing up boxes and trying not to go insane.

We'll be alright. We've got a huge box of Lucky Charms for me, a big container of yogurt for Bumble (her favoritest food in the universe), and a Netflix queue loaded with girly movies I can finally watch without criticism or judgment. So I thought.




I guess the Bee is not a fan of "Little Women."


Today, her cough is finally gone, the sun is out, and I've had my morning coffee. We are both ready to take on the world.