All up in my ribness

This kid has got her head in my pelvis and her butt in my ribs. I know I have a short torso, but just how big is she? We are constantly engaged in territorial disputes over my ribcage. It hurts when she wedges her bony little butt up there, so I push her down. She kicks me in retaliation and then probably starts crying. (Links to the Discovery Channel video of a fetus crying in utero.) Yesterday when she butted my ribs for the millionth time, I burst into tears and cried that I was going to be pregnant forever. Mike sternly lectured the Babbit and then kindly asked me if I needed ice cream. I DID need ice cream, which only made me sadder because I was suddenly a walking preggo stereotype.


Since I am allllllmost in my ninth month now, I figured I would give red raspberry leaf tea another shot. This tea is supposed to tone the uterus, making labor and delivery go more smoothly. One is told to drink one cup of the tea per trimester per day. I didn't even know about it until my second trimester, when I was supposed to be up to 2 cups per day, but I quickly stopped drinking it because 1- It is disgusting and 2- it was giving me contractions.

Thinking it would probably be okay to start drinking it again, I brew up a half gallon of iced red raspberry leaf tea. Thinking again of how disgusting it was the last time, I added a cup of sugar to the brew. I just had a glass. A cup of sugar was too much. It tastes sweeter than Georgia sweet tea and will probably give me diabetes if I drink the prescribed 3 cups a day.

I give up. You win, fetus. You can just stay in there forever, bruising up my ribs and beating up my organs. I don't have the energy anymore. You took it all.