I want the Bumble to love and trust me. I want her to have absolute faith that I will always be there for her and give her unconditional love and support. I am quick to comfort her, I never leave her to cry, and I dedicate most of my time to playing with, teaching, and cuddling her. I just want her to feel secure, deep down.
And that's why it breaks my heart that she believes that every now and then, Mommy tries to kill her.
I have to wipe her nose. I have to! It's snotty and disgusting and she can't breathe! Does she see this as a favor, though? Absolutely not. She sees the tissue coming and she immediately starts thrashing and screaming as though I am trying to suffocate her. She looks at me with big, watery eyes brimming with the pain of betrayal. Her little bjaby brain doesn't make the connection that tissue=ability to breathe again.
This also happens every time I pull clothes over head while dressing her. She sees the clothes coming and she spazzes out, hrowing her little limbs everywhere. It only takes a second to pull the thing over her head and then she is calm again and giving me a watery, embarrassed smile. "Gosh, sorry Mom. I thought... well, nevermind. Let's eat!"
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